my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Randomize