Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
