i just wanna soil my oats bro
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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