I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
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