It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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