i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
