I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
