I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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