no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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