Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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