I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
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