I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
