hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Who died my cat blue again?
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