I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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