Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
You can't motorboat a personality
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
