im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
