My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Randomize
