my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
