Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
my god I love twenty year old dicks
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
