dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
