id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
