There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
My butt remains clenched, sir.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
