I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
