Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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