every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
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