Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
