Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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