That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
