You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
