What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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