Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
