How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Why are your pants in the freezer?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
