I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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