who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
