I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
