Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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