I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
