i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize