jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
