Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Randomize
