A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
