butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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