I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Randomize
