It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
