i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize