Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
