Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
