I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
