I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
