Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize