Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
