dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
why is half of my head shaved?
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