I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
