We're facebook friends in real life
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
