my mouth tastes like poor choices
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
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