we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
it was like having sex with a tree stump
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Randomize
