Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
