are you so shy because you have an std?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
