i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
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