And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
