fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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