is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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