allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
