Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
