Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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