So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
