Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
