he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
