I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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