Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
There's always time for handjobs
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
