Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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