he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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