I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
