Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize