Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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